The Kiwis Invade Streets of London

Hordes of Kiwis invaded the streets of London today for what appeared to be some sort of bizarre drinking ritual. Hundreds of New Zealanders dressed as wizards, wingnuts and food products poured onto the streets, babbling incoherently about Waitangi day they staggered from pub to pub consuming any alcoholic beverage in sight.At great personal risk to my intoxication, I pursued them through the streets of London to give this report.

At great personal risk to my own intoxication, I pursued them through the streets of London to give this report.

The Kiwi national hairstyle, all the Kiwi dudes have it. It's cool.


It's a nurse! It's a nun! No, it's a New Zealander! 20170204-p1500470


There were sheep, many sheep.


Fortunately, the Kiwi police force was out in full force to herd them along ...


and press the flesh ...


and record any misdemeanour.


A Scooby snack!


Dead presidents? Lost presidents?


Behind you Moana!


Abbey Road with the Kiwis ... WTF! Is this normal office attire in Auckland?


"She loves me, I'm taking her home."


"One does not simply walk into Mordor."

"No sir, one drinks enough Fosters to float the Titanic, uses the cans to craft a tin staff and staggers into Mordor." 20170204-p1500710

For best results, hold your Kiwi upside down and funnel beer directly into the mouth – or any opening.


London Met Officer optional.


A Kiwi import...

"Tui East India Pale Ale is a light, crisp, and delicately malted beer. After opening the screw cap and nursing your torn finger you should notice a distinct aroma of the Mangatainoka River. No? Rest the bottle neck gently under your nostril and give it another sniff, you’ll get it."

If you found the message we typed into your phone, come nurse my finger!


He lost two fingers to two Tuis!


Kiwi affection runs high at these events. They are peace loving drunks, unlike their fellow southern hemisphere dwellers, the Australians and the South Africans.


Kiwis like kiwicket; a fast-paced, gritty, street version of the boring cousin, cricket.


And he's out!! After missing that bright orange ball, it was time to pad up a bottle of Tui. Unfortunately, the restaurant whose chair had been made a wicket took it back. Tui never had her moment of fame.


Enough, grab the women and make a run for it! Where did that Bobby hat come from?


The Kiwis are a wonderful people, I wish I had spent more time with them in London.